When Your Kids Do Not Want to Go To/Login To School (1 of 3)

** Important: the information in this article does not replace professional advice. There are some situations where additional support is required and beneficial.  **

Hello wonderful people! Times are challenging for so many. COVID has changed the way we operate as parents. Some have lost childcare, parenting support, their jobs, or are working from home while their children learn from home. Regardless of what changes you have experienced, our role as a parent has changed.

Some of us are now teachers and tutors to our children on a full-time basis while others are doing this while juggling our own job.  These are challenging times for so many and it is cliche but also true - we are currently all in the same ocean but on different boats and experiencing different weather.

The information in this article is written during the time of COVID but much of what is discussed here applies any time. Motivating kids and teens to attend school can be a daily occurrence for some and not for others.  There are countless reasons that lead to school avoidance, we as parents can be one of them. Before we go any further, this is not about parent shaming, it is about taking responsibility for what we have control over; ourselves. Parents are not meant to be perfect, mistakes happen and can be our best teachers. In addition, COVID has intensified any issues that were already happening. Many parents are struggling to motivate their kids to attend school, now more than ever. So, first things first -  as the parent/caregiver, just pause and take a few breaths; feel free to take a few breaths for your kid(s). 

Kids not attending can depend on many different factors, their learning style, social relationships, lack of felt connection with their teachers or person, their own level of stress - the list is endless. The one piece that is the constant game changer/supporter is the parent and caregiver - no one can support your child better than you #nopressure.

Sometimes it feels overwhelming, like too much. Maybe you are a yeller, or an adult who consequences and then does not follow through, or follows through and the consequences need to increase in order for them to have an impact. Just know it is okay and welcome to the discussion and hope you find this helpful.

The age of your child does change the way in which you approach your child. Younger children require more directive and structured responses while older, more mature children benefit from a negotiation styled approach. There is one strategy that works at any age;  and that is validation. Which is a fancy word for listening for the underlying feeling and unmet need - even when it seems ridiculous to us.  A lot of the outcome depends on our own feelings and thoughts in the moment. This part can be a guessing game and does take more time than punishing and moving on….in some ways. Since punishing can lead to more yelling, crying and more consequences. 

This 3 part post  will focus on validation as a tool for intervention/starting a conversation. The reason this is the focus, is because COVID is new territory and sometimes we have to get out of our own way...and just listen. Seems easy enough?  Well, from personal experience, sometimes it is, while others not so much. Please look for our blog post next week for more information.

In the meantime, be kind to yourself. 

Saidy