When Your Kids Do Not Want To Go/Login To School (2 of 3) - Feelings...yup! They are important.

“We are not thinking machines that feel; rather, we are feeling machines that think.” 

Antonion Demasio

Most people believe that we make decisions in a logical manner when in fact, our decisions are based on our emotions. Many of which, we are not consciously aware of. So the first step is to bring awareness to what you are feeling, making space for them and practicing self-compassion. Many report self-compassion helps us make peace with our emotions and  gives them less power. The hormonal and physical responses to an emotion lasts for 90 seconds, however, it is our thoughts that keep them going longer. Naming the feeling, to tame it is a great trick to honor what we are feeling in the moment and also helps manage our response. 

So what does this all have to do with parenting? Or my kids not wanting to go to school? Well, if emotions impact our choices then they are very likely impacting our responses to our children and the current situation; to expand further, also the choices your children are making. Emotions are important and play a role in our day to day. Since our emotions drive our decisions, then how we feel in the moment will impact how we approach a situation. Which can be as simple as the tone we use in a message. Have you ever said something but got a totally unexpected response? Or have you said something and sounded angrier than you intended? Not understanding what we are feeling means we are not aware as to what is leading our decision making process. 

Some people may read the above paragraph and have a  reaction, it could feel like you disagree with the importance of emotions or that this seems ridiculous. Let’s be honest, feelings are not widely discussed in some households, families or societies (I know they weren’t in mine).  Speaking about feelings may seem to be what ‘other’ people do. This belief is the result of countless things, invisible family rules, the need to survive and push forward and so many others. We now know more and have learned that emotions drive our choices, whether we realize it or not.

So now that I have explained the why, time to get in touch with how you as a parent and/or caregiver are feeling. 

Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being nothing at all 10 being,  it cannot get any bigger/stronger

1. Stress about your current living situation 

2. Stress about your current financial situation

3. Stress about your family situation (how people are getting along etc.)

4. Feeling safe in regards to your health 

5. Feeling safe in regards to decisions government is making 

6. Feel competent in your parenting 

7. Feel as though you are managing daily responsibilities 

8. Feeling overwhelmed 

9. Feeling worry about your child’s educational future

10. Feeling worry about your child’s mental health

Below: 1 is often, 10 being not at all

1. Able to reach out for support to family and friends 

2. Seeing a friend or speaking to a friend at least once a week 

3. Feeling connected  to other people 

4. Feel your kids are receiving educational support 

5. I have healthy ways of coping with stress 

6. I feel like things are manageable

7. My mood is positive 

This was a short list but take a look at your numbers, which areas are you doing well in and what others are you not?  Be aware that this is with you right now and likely throughout the day. How you rate yourself tomorrow, can also be different. Self-reflection is not a one time thing. Getting in touch with how we feel is a daily practice and can be done throughout the day.

Challenge for the week!  pick one or both of the following techniques listed below. The first technique is to pick one or two environmental cues and use them to check in with how you are feeling.  Some examples of environmental cues that we can use as a reminder to check-in with how we are feeling, like walking to the bathroom, the phone ringing, a red light, waiting in a line. If for example you choose walking to the bathroom, your intention is to check in with yourself each time you go to the bathroom. Take one or two deep breaths, connect to your body; do you feel any tension anywhere? Do you feel nervous? Stress? Angry? How are your shoulders? High up near your ears or resting with ease? 

The second technique is journaling, either at the beginning of the day or at the end; find a time that works for you. We will highlight more ways of tuning into our emotions in another article if this is something that interests you, let us know. In the meantime there is a great list of mindfulness apps available here. (We do not receive any compensation for these recommendations, we are simply recommending things we either use with clients we work with or personally).

In the meantime, be kind to yourself. 

Saidy